Almost Boycotted Birthday

I was very not excited about my Birthday this year and basically banned it. I was not having any party. I was not having a small dinner. I was not accepting gifts. NONE. OF. IT. And it had nothing to do with the stupid getting older thing because ever since I met my best friend botox that is no longer a concern...By the way. Did I mention the most genius thing about my gorgeous doctor whom I am desperately in love with....her name....ready?....Doctor....Doris...Day. DORIS DAY! I mean is their anything gayer and more wonderful than that...google her. You can't make that up. But I digress.

Birthday. Over it. Have been going through a depression where at any point in the day I could easily break into tears for no reason. It is good if you are a Soap Opera actor....bad if you are pitching very expensive windows to a designer. So in this depressive state I just banned the birthday. Pissed off many friends. Especially Anne who would not stop. And should have been a trial lawyer because she made one hell of a case....until I reminded her it was my birthday and life and I don't owe anyone shit. If I want to sit home and watch THE END OF THE AFFAIR and cry and not eat birthday cake or ice cream even though I want to but my anorexia keeps me from it and I like to stick with my motto "If you aren't a little hungry....You're fat".....then I would stay home and do that.

However today....It is my Birthday. Day two of bizarre light therapy scary machine that is simply insane. And today. I am happy. Today I am grateful for my birth. I called my Mom and thanked her for shooting me out....and she told me once again the story of the Dr not even having time to put on his gloves because I literally jumped out....atta boy. And then called my Father and thanked him for rocking it with my Mother so that I could be alive.

Interesting all of this begins a new year. I feel optimistic for no reason. I think it is called Faith....or finally the right combination of medications.

SO I am going to a party tonight to celebrate my dearest friend's company launch and I couldn't be happier as if it were for me. To be alive, in this amazing city, have great hair...and to be loved.

And also to not have to pretend to like the gifts people give me that I don't want because I am self (and everyone else) admittedly the most difficult person to buy for. My stupid ex was even moronic enough to buy the ONLY thing from Hermes I would never wear or want....and that is saying something because I thought that wasn't possible. A....logo....ski cap. What? What rapper meets douchebag wants that.

Anyway. Thank you my dear friends and family for loving me. I am not easy. I am very difficult. I am a control freak. And on any given day might be contemplating going to sleep with the gas cooktop on.

But you love me. And for that. This is a wonderful day. A wonderful Birthday. And the best gift. ( ok...that was true...but stating it makes me vomit in my mouth a little)